My Father

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!"لبریز از عشق ، غافلم از پیچش این جهان مملو از "حقیقت
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اگر آنم، عارفی آگاه، پس چگونه در دو حالم؟
این چه بازیست کانچه داریم زیر پرده باید بماند؟
این چه بازیست که ما هر یک یک چنینینیم و باز...؟
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this amazemet

unhappy about what, ever had to happen to her
wanting to change the past constantly, desperately
but beautiful life is unknown to her
she is closed
her eyes yet not opened to the reality this wonderful world holds
mistakes, changes, future, desire, confusion
ya, she is confused, i think
she takes it all as a mistake,
so she wants to erase the past
but if not her image in the wedding dress,
a child would not be born
and how happy she is to be here,
this child...
what this child is thankful to is what she despises
theres only one explanation to this: she cannot see the beauty of life as it is, YET.
the past may not be beautiful to you, but change has been brought about
and the same past you hate so much, has become the one thing that gives breath to this child
and she loves her life
she is so thankful to u and ur dark past
if not that wedding dress,
she could not feel the greatness of love and its creator in every breath taken
and she is here to be for u when everybody else leaves
and ull c one day, that u owe all u got, to the same past that u despise so much
u cant pre-judge life,
nor judge ur destiny;
casue u r much smaller than that
u r much smaller to judge this amazement
this life, this world, this God, and this only wonder
there are only few moments when i feel my eyes wide opened to this beauty
only few moments when i realize the wonder of our being so certainly
feels like on drugs...
wish i could control feelin this way more often
anyways...
im thankful to ur unconscious sacrifices mummy!
its time u felt happy about them too!

let me be eternal to ur heart
when u go, go
and rest ur troubled mind on some other woman's breast
but remember me
think of it as us,
casue i am the only one who can give u that peace; i know.
cause i love u the most and its sure from the heart
i love u like a mother loves her child, with eyes closed
but i too respect u as the man of my life
so i let u go but take care when im not there
and remember that we belong to eachother
dont let time tear us apart
let that be ur duty as a man
keep us together
casue i am so very scared of loosing u
and i wont be able to do it on my own
remember my echo in ur ears:"i need u so much."

GAMES!!!

thinkin bout things u do,
i smile unintentionally.
i smile not realizin y,
when i c ur pic.
bt the answer's not far, in my unconscious heart.
time passes by as quick as fallin stars when we r together
wth fallin stars, that reminds me, u always hv 2 b eyes wide open, ready to catch that scarce quick glance.
bt when we r apart,
time goes as if its never goin...
till u km bk, the gap in between is the deepest pain.
how time kn torture
oh time!
they've all been writin bout it.
now i know.
u km to understand poetry only when u experience its content.
i am wth & wthout u
& time is my challenger.
a tear runnin down my cheek...
wipe it up casue i know the same vicious time kn save me.
smtimes feelin bad bout what it does, it decides to compensate.
they say the remedy 2 a problem lies there within the problem itself.
time ruins me; time kn save me
u r the problem of my heart; u r its salvater.
ya its true what they say.
u r my problem; u r my solution.
& 2gether wth time, u dance round me.
here i lie watchin ur musical
this absurd theater
this opera
& i grin to God sayin:"well done boy; well done"!

a short history

1rst luv 1rst:
(my Yoguslavian)
i learnt nothin @ school that year bt of Belgrade & psychology.
its ironic now that all that geology goes blank.
no Yoguslavia,
hes the last survival of his land in my mind.
2 pure & young 2 try @ all
so i spent days watchin, enjoyin,
boilt water run through my throat, down 2 the stomach,everytime i was close
& when far, i dd nothin bt cry.
cried 4 2 years & when partin i dreamt each & every night 4 365 days.
ill always hld it dear!
next:
warm body,
masculin lines,
resillient & dark complexious.
this is how he was.
cool hearted,
a musician,
a creator.
his tambourin the closest friend in life
(my Persian)
& he shared it all wth me.
bt complex!
he was the mysterious type.
next:
my childhood lover & friend,
cleverest of all i hv ever known,
my brother, the 1rst closest 2 me ever
(my blood)
we grew up 2gether & fell in luv
bt road set me apart
& him time changed.
sth still always on & off painfully sparkles!
next:
a mad man,
a crazy luver,
a fragile maniac,
a writer.
luv was so difficult 4 him, id hv 2 b a prisoner!
i never cried as much in nebody's arms as his.
he was full of emotions
like above this wrld, / mayb below:
his drinkin & melancholy
(my sad Polish).
then came the most intense of all:
reminent of the 1rst,
passion,madness, the impossible, only in the movies
(my Achilles)
& we hd 2 part casue they were after him!
he got away 4 my own protection
he was in so much trouble @ times
body in pain
he would not let me touch!
he kd not feel young!
next:
the most logical of all
so mature we shared a relationship
bt much hidden within
i luved him 4 that
& parted 4 that v reason
(women kn b strange smtimes)
he was unkind 2 his soul
bt open-minded
(my wrld wanderer)
& now...
u:
a combination of all the g thngs i ever found in men
& the lack of their flaws.
im happy 2 hv found u
bt wonder @ times if my feelins r real.
casue im tired
& i think that the way i feel 4 u mayb jst a false belief due 2 my heart's desperation 4 a luv so deep
/that this is 2 g 2 b true!
i dnt know
bt u gv me this sth
& i know we gotta say bye soon.
wish i kd jst lie down thinkin... this is the best
wish i kd jst lie down... not worryin
wish i kd jst lie down thinkin & knowin that this is the LAST!

ME IN YOU

seein me in u,
me in u is an amaizment.
i need not express 4 the 1rst time in life
u do it 4 me.
i am calm as a meadow, far far away
im calm cause i dnt need 2 strive 2 b understood
i am calm & ready 2 listen,
2 u, 2 my 2nd self.
my mirror
u reflect all that i always found valuable
and all that what is falible in me
& when u comment,
i dnt get mad, jst in the same manner as wth a mirror we never hld grudges against.
u teach me patience & acceptance
here i practice bending wth u
& i listen more than i ever hd 2 talk,
cause i know u r the 1 needin a listener this time.
feelin me alive in u.
so u dnt hv 2 miss me when we part
i follow u wherever u go
i am the other u.
it may b that, what they call the 2nd half!
it may b.

when im gone

when im gone, find me in my friends.
i wont b jealous.
take a walk on ur own @ times & think of where i may b,
bt do not morn!
imagine me around, doin thngs 2gether,
i sure will also feel lonely there,
i know.
feed me a life on ur mind.
find me in another when u kiss,
i sure will b there...
dnt feel bad when u touch
do it gentle & dnt b ashamed of gvin a thought 2 me;
she wont b jealous.
watchin her hands as u touch,...
this is what we share.
dnt worry bout my death.
i exist in it all:)

le kiss

the powerful is the all time objective
& the passionate, one who always tries 2 understand.
i find a connection .
le kiss.
a symbol of all that i hv 2 remember much more carefully.
a symbol of my self image in the eyes of the wrld.
le kiss: u reminding me 2 4get habits.
its not jst another hi, jst another bye!
ur gift 2 me: dnt b subjective.
an exercise much too difficult bt necessary.
im watchin over u
im watchin through, 2 A New Earth, every time we kiss!

ADULT LUV

i start wth nothin & end up bein here.
i start wth jst another person & go forward.
never thought it would end up like this
me the stone,
turned into morning dew.
thngs a g heart kn do.
im happy jst havin u.
happy 2 receive jst that much as u gv.
when u luv like an adult...'adult luv'...ya...
when u luv like an adult, u luv wth acceptance.
i want more
i want u all,
naked.
bt i receive as much as u gv & iv learnt 2 luv this way.
jst b satisfied.
cause u r worth so much, that even a gaze 4 short would do.
& the truth for my such behavior, is not due 2 my greatness bt the fact that the luver has no choice bt the choice of acceptance.
"little is better than nothin" it tells me.
& my heart doesnt get mad.
it can not get mad @ u.
accepts, 4 it doesnt want 2 loose.
& now i understand what it means 2 say: " i jst wanna b wth u".
id follow ur flow
not an intention 2 change
not an interruption in ur nature
i dnt want 2 distill,
nor 2 melt in u.
jst wanna enjoy watchin.
accept u like u r
& i jst wanna b wth u, watchin.