a short history

1rst luv 1rst:
(my Yoguslavian)
i learnt nothin @ school that year bt of Belgrade & psychology.
its ironic now that all that geology goes blank.
no Yoguslavia,
hes the last survival of his land in my mind.
2 pure & young 2 try @ all
so i spent days watchin, enjoyin,
boilt water run through my throat, down 2 the stomach,everytime i was close
& when far, i dd nothin bt cry.
cried 4 2 years & when partin i dreamt each & every night 4 365 days.
ill always hld it dear!
next:
warm body,
masculin lines,
resillient & dark complexious.
this is how he was.
cool hearted,
a musician,
a creator.
his tambourin the closest friend in life
(my Persian)
& he shared it all wth me.
bt complex!
he was the mysterious type.
next:
my childhood lover & friend,
cleverest of all i hv ever known,
my brother, the 1rst closest 2 me ever
(my blood)
we grew up 2gether & fell in luv
bt road set me apart
& him time changed.
sth still always on & off painfully sparkles!
next:
a mad man,
a crazy luver,
a fragile maniac,
a writer.
luv was so difficult 4 him, id hv 2 b a prisoner!
i never cried as much in nebody's arms as his.
he was full of emotions
like above this wrld, / mayb below:
his drinkin & melancholy
(my sad Polish).
then came the most intense of all:
reminent of the 1rst,
passion,madness, the impossible, only in the movies
(my Achilles)
& we hd 2 part casue they were after him!
he got away 4 my own protection
he was in so much trouble @ times
body in pain
he would not let me touch!
he kd not feel young!
next:
the most logical of all
so mature we shared a relationship
bt much hidden within
i luved him 4 that
& parted 4 that v reason
(women kn b strange smtimes)
he was unkind 2 his soul
bt open-minded
(my wrld wanderer)
& now...
u:
a combination of all the g thngs i ever found in men
& the lack of their flaws.
im happy 2 hv found u
bt wonder @ times if my feelins r real.
casue im tired
& i think that the way i feel 4 u mayb jst a false belief due 2 my heart's desperation 4 a luv so deep
/that this is 2 g 2 b true!
i dnt know
bt u gv me this sth
& i know we gotta say bye soon.
wish i kd jst lie down thinkin... this is the best
wish i kd jst lie down... not worryin
wish i kd jst lie down thinkin & knowin that this is the LAST!

ME IN YOU

seein me in u,
me in u is an amaizment.
i need not express 4 the 1rst time in life
u do it 4 me.
i am calm as a meadow, far far away
im calm cause i dnt need 2 strive 2 b understood
i am calm & ready 2 listen,
2 u, 2 my 2nd self.
my mirror
u reflect all that i always found valuable
and all that what is falible in me
& when u comment,
i dnt get mad, jst in the same manner as wth a mirror we never hld grudges against.
u teach me patience & acceptance
here i practice bending wth u
& i listen more than i ever hd 2 talk,
cause i know u r the 1 needin a listener this time.
feelin me alive in u.
so u dnt hv 2 miss me when we part
i follow u wherever u go
i am the other u.
it may b that, what they call the 2nd half!
it may b.

when im gone

when im gone, find me in my friends.
i wont b jealous.
take a walk on ur own @ times & think of where i may b,
bt do not morn!
imagine me around, doin thngs 2gether,
i sure will also feel lonely there,
i know.
feed me a life on ur mind.
find me in another when u kiss,
i sure will b there...
dnt feel bad when u touch
do it gentle & dnt b ashamed of gvin a thought 2 me;
she wont b jealous.
watchin her hands as u touch,...
this is what we share.
dnt worry bout my death.
i exist in it all:)

le kiss

the powerful is the all time objective
& the passionate, one who always tries 2 understand.
i find a connection .
le kiss.
a symbol of all that i hv 2 remember much more carefully.
a symbol of my self image in the eyes of the wrld.
le kiss: u reminding me 2 4get habits.
its not jst another hi, jst another bye!
ur gift 2 me: dnt b subjective.
an exercise much too difficult bt necessary.
im watchin over u
im watchin through, 2 A New Earth, every time we kiss!

ADULT LUV

i start wth nothin & end up bein here.
i start wth jst another person & go forward.
never thought it would end up like this
me the stone,
turned into morning dew.
thngs a g heart kn do.
im happy jst havin u.
happy 2 receive jst that much as u gv.
when u luv like an adult...'adult luv'...ya...
when u luv like an adult, u luv wth acceptance.
i want more
i want u all,
naked.
bt i receive as much as u gv & iv learnt 2 luv this way.
jst b satisfied.
cause u r worth so much, that even a gaze 4 short would do.
& the truth for my such behavior, is not due 2 my greatness bt the fact that the luver has no choice bt the choice of acceptance.
"little is better than nothin" it tells me.
& my heart doesnt get mad.
it can not get mad @ u.
accepts, 4 it doesnt want 2 loose.
& now i understand what it means 2 say: " i jst wanna b wth u".
id follow ur flow
not an intention 2 change
not an interruption in ur nature
i dnt want 2 distill,
nor 2 melt in u.
jst wanna enjoy watchin.
accept u like u r
& i jst wanna b wth u, watchin.

ELEGY OF THE LONELY SELF

ur eyes always full of little diamonds...
this always present sadness in them
this always present joy beyond.
the whole pack of stories hidden in ur eyes, may b hidden, bt kn b seen!
full of life...
u...
a perfect example of the Sovereignty.
the touch of ur soft dry lips...
the lines...
full of life.
ur finger toes,
perfectly sat next to each other...
this obedience.
ur delicate skin wth all its fallibilities that actually make it even the more beautiful, the peachy hair on it, which i luv & u despise...
ur obsessions....
kind heart, sensitive, bt smhow disciplined: a pain 2 u
bt let it b...
ur rules.
jst wanted 2 say that i luv u neways, wth all the inconsistencies; these little thngs bout ur bein seem lively 2 me.
the ever present diamonds in ur eyes...: our galaxy.
ur breath, so consistent & calm, bt tensioned @ times...
its ok. let it hv different days as the sea does.
pain, now beautiful pain surrounding u,
letting it b...
ur thick dark hair, full of life & resistance...
ur strength that reminds me,
ur femininity & sensational body moves,...
the dances u know how 2 do wthin....
all u got is jst in opposition 2 1another, yet in perfect balance wthout urself knowin it.
& iv started 2 observe
& im tellin u
this sth that has made me fall 4 u
will not let me leave u 2 b alone.
last wrds i kn offer r nothin
bt jst an assurance of my presence
& @ the end a song:
the elegy of the lonely self!

in the plane

there are always 2 ways of interpretation:
happy / sad.
& i never know which 2 choose when i fly back & forth from my home country.
if there was a space up here above the clouds,...
i wouldnt hv 2 choose
& i will hv 2 find that space in between which may never b
bt mayb ill jst gv myself a moment 2 cry off my emotions when im up here & choose 2 b happy right there where i land no matter where it may b

2 let go
the sea of emotions
shall i swim / let go ?
2 drown
surrender 2 its waves,
i feel not the pain.
but i am a man
enclenched wth reason & i am 2 bear this 1s pain.
every step leaves off holes behind that the sun dries up hard 4 my future 2 fall in.
i kn not let go...
bt 2 hear the wind blow wth passion whenever its heart tells,
2 c the brd fly instinctively & so sure,
the little turtles run 2wards the waters attracted by its scent,
i get envious.
y bleed walkin against winter's wind?
y stop when my heart says go?
y was i made a human so?!

oneness

our 2 wrlds stumble upon 1another wthout us knowin.
like the day & the moment that came when we1rst met.
smthn of the unrelated god had it 4 us planned & when the curtains were pushed aside all was so easy 2 understand&we knew all was related!
our wrlds apart so nicely 1nce as1,
1nce as a whole, then slightly drifted b4 we met...
again connectin he had it 4 us,
then drifted,
many times by us & him.
it may seem like a vicious circle 2 the fool
but natural as earth's growth cycles, i feel its purpose green now that ive grown 2 understand.
i wait 4 the next departure & the next reunion & am not worryin nemore
cause i got peace within,
4 ive realized we r 1 always.
there will km another summer after the winter of naked trees & even if not,
i will know it all has stormed in2 1, never 2 km again.
4 the darkness & the silence does not matter when g & bad mingle
4 the darkness, then, is the united spirit.
i wont b apart from home that id found deep down there in ur mellow brown eyes.
i mean 2 belong & ur essence easily sensed as melted in mine helps me with that.
even when u r careless
i actually enjoy that offended outer shell of urs.
talkin bout the inner child
(most ironically)
its more of an outer child this carelessness in u.
cause 1nce u luved, i said no, & the child got angry
but ur eyes from within, still tell me they dnt care
that they still luv & theyll always keep me safe behind the shelters...
@the back of ur mind, wth this outer shell nothin but guardin us when ppl 2 jealous notice our perfection!

its like my fridge that gets filled in... and out,
its like the sink wth and without dishes,
like my full and empty stomach,
my monotonous trash bin,
alls tiring sometimes.
but thats life.
its like when i gave u my luv,
when i gave, it was fully.
im empty now.
but soon my heart is filled with the luv to the wrld again
and ill share it wth other men
somehow if that repeats i grow tired of it and yet not.
feels like a fountain, the luv
fools by pourin but its filled wth the same element that it gvs
it has no other nature, no other choice
feels like neother matter in the physical wrld
that nothing ends
it only changes.
energies in constant groove
i am full of them
discovered me
i am the fountain
i am a woman!

THE STRIVE

My Man needs No Daggers encarved Wth. Enchanted dragons On Top.
My Man needs No Swords nor Weapons 2 battle.
He Fights wth. His Broad bear palms,
Hnds Of goodness.
I Gv. him The Luv,
Its The luv He Sharpens his Heart Wth. afresh 4 the next lethal round.
Dnt. Offer me Souvenirs Of Morroccan daggers my kind friend!
My Luver goes 2 war unarmed
And I trust In His return,
I Trust in His Armless wrestle
And I respect His Manner if death,
4 i follow his reckless path 2wards goodness, alike!

Alanis Morrissette

she said :
...
"You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving
it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return"
...
and i wished forever
i could love so angelic!

things that take time to realize

ive tried making cocktail mixes out of my little broad vocabulary
but i do beleive that words however sieze to express at some point, no matter how eloquent you are
its time we stop talking
time we embrace silence in its vast arms of sublimity
there is no need of a poet introducing life to you
learn yourself

learn how to watch and not look
how to feel and not touch

learn how to watch and not look
how to feel and not touch

to breath in every beauty,
save it in memory,
but do not smell.
breath in and do not smell i say
taste without having to eat
life will be the constant tasting of it and never getting full
for you will learn not to eat anymore
listen but not hear
listen...
and you will have the essence of all poetry ever written, within
and there is this other sense theyve been talking about...
let that be unspoken of
for we had decided not to speak.

i will know through the look in your eyes
through the touch of your fingertips
your patient tongue over the back of my body...
through the tears in your eyes when listening to a song in another language you do not understand,
i will know when you fill your lungs in with the air through my hair,
...that you do know of which 6th sense i am talking about.
let us not speak anymore.

the shadow of him standin'@the arch of my doorway.
so beautiful.
thinks im asleep bt watchin'him i make luv2my God_his v.architect
the sahdow standin'
dressed up2wrk
knows i like his profile
(there r always certain thngs we like'bout eachother,
not necessarily what everybody realizes as virtuous.
beauty's relational;like many other thngs)
his lines&edges so carefully done
tip of the nose2go wth sharp shoes
&stands doin'nothn'4a while.
when on his own,
he dont hv2masquerade
&i kn c through,
how comfortable he chooses2move/not2
we r all diff.when there's no observant eye
sm.less&sm.more,dependin'on how much u appeal2urself.
stands still still.
&we r wrlds apart.
probably rehearsin'the hnds of time
/thinkin'..."what2take2office?!"/mayb what2do next...
&this1moment me wakin'up2the shadow,
i enjoy my lonliness through
thnx2him.
i'de comment on this sayin':
we r the Creator's instruments after all:)